Mick for Mayor!

Look Out Cleveland...

I officially announce, denounce and renounce my intention to think about and someday conclude that I might make a decision to actually and seriously maybe consider possibly running for mayor of Santa Barbara...who the heck cares if I don't live within city limits, neither did econo-muckraker Lanny Ebenstein when he ran for public office, and he considers himself a genuis!

And now this: you remember Reed Slatkin, the Hope Ranch scientologist who bilked gullible investors outta millions with a Ponzi scheme, got caught and is now in jail..well, his punk ass 29 year old son wants to be mayor. Justin Michael is his name and he is trying to steal my thunder, just like his daddy stole! This little fuck wants to be MAYOR..he's barely old enough to jerk off let alone run a city!! WTF is he thinking??..he's never worked for a living, done any serious public service, or put on a uniform..NOTHING!! How is he gonna deal with the union bosses during negotiations..he'll start crying when those big hairy firemen, cops and sewer line workers start shouting at him..drop out now kid, before it's too late..

NOW, BACK TO ME....

Fridays will be Wet-Tee Shirt Day at City Hall!
Next,I gotta get two things: a make-over and a platform. I wear shorts, a sweatshirt and hiking boots most of the time, unless I'm trying impress a woman, then it's shorts and a hooded-sweatshirt and hiking boots..so I guess if I became mayor, I'd have to dress up..look at Dale Francisco: coat and tie; Horton: coat and tie: I will never wear a tie again in my life, I'm a blue collar guy..so my first rule will be NO TIES THAT BIND..that goes for the mayor and all city council members.
Now, my platform: that's easy..do the opposite of what the city council has done for past four years. That would decrease crime, increase city coffers, restrict development, save historical resources and get me in good with the News-Press! Currying favor with Wendy McCaw will be my first priority! I just luv her and her fanciful ways!
I would deal with the homeless situation one bullet at a time thereby increasing my odds of getting Gina Perry to have you-know-what with me or at least suck my you-know-what!
We might as well put the police dep't to some good use..they need to stop gangbanging and start picking off the homeless trash and old people (> 42 years), too.. Also, no shaved heads in the police dep't..gotta be able to tell the gang members from the good guys..
See, I'm really a progressive with conservative tendencies...Next..I'd deal with the unions..unions suck because they give too much power to the workers..I want public servitude, not service..you people who work for the taxpayers need to know your place. I'd disband the unions and privatize the city..make it a for- profit enterprise...
of course that means removing all those silly labor laws and water quality/ environmental standards the state imposes on us; we can abuse our employees, pollute the ocean and air and save a bunch of money and get this city back in the black in no time..we can replace all the skilled and educated city worker professionals with interns and day laborers provided they are not illegal aliens...as a matter of fact ALL MEXICANS in town will be required to prove citizenship!
I'd impose a "women only" rule for all the commissions and boards..they be some fine lookin' babes on some of those boards and I want to continue that....
that's it for now, but I'm sure I'll think of more as we get closer to election time unless I get bored...
a vote for me is a vote for more fantasy and less government!