Kinda broad at the shoulder and narrow at the hip
And everybody knew ya didn't give no lip to Big John.
(Big John, Big John) Big Bad John (Big John)
BIG
BIG
into Santa Barbara I go to do some last minute Christmas shopping and see if I can catch a glimpse of Randy Quaid at his court hearing...It's a whimsical day, cool and windy and sunny..I felt like Santa 
on his sleigh!! I see no huge crowds when I get to SB and grab a parking spot in front of the Courthouse and in front of a KEYT cruiser..I go in and look around..it's dark in here..I sit and wait for 15 minutes and finally ask the clerk "where's Randy"..he said he's probably across the street at the other court house, the cheapo "Superior" one.....well, silly me.
So off I go and this place is a little funkier than the stately Courthouse...big windows, smiling faces, pretty Asian girls, cops and gangstas...it's got everything! I ask a few folks if Randy and Evi are in the building and they say he's downstairs in courtroom #8....so I go down and look around and peer into the
room...don't see him..then I go and sit down, then I go take a pee, then I go take another look in courtroom #8 and there he is, sitting down in the back, partially obscured by a woman behind a camera tripod..so I start snapping pictures outside the little window on the door...a cop comes out and says ..don't take pictures..well why not..is it a crime to take a picture??..yes, I guess it is as Randy himself would tell me shortly.
.
so I go sit down again on the bench and out walks a big, bearded, bulging man in a greyblack suit..a dark Santa..no, it's Randy..he ambles down the hall past me like a big black bear and I say.."I hope they find you innocent"..he says "thanks, man"...then wanders off to the Men's Warehouse..afterwards he comes back and passes and looks at me again, on his way back into the courtroom. I say.."hey Randy, where ya staying?" and "can I trouble you for a picture?"....it would have been a perfect picture, but he says "no..no pictures..I don't want any pictures"..I say ok..then I feel tears of rejection welling up inside me, but not one showed in my eyes...I thought cousin Eddie was a happy go-lucky guy...but in real life Randy looked a little peeved to be there...still, I was disappointed..movie stars, geez!! but I'm not gonna wait and follow him down the street like the other news media, like a little groupie..I got shopping to do!! and I gotsta figure a way to take pictures without anyone knowing..I wonder, has anybody invented sunglasses with a built-in mini camera? or a pencil camera? If not, I copyright the ideas right here and now and I'll get to work with the prototypes!
anyway, I gotta go and shop now....why do people need gifts??
The moral is every picture tells a story, unless you can't get one...
on his sleigh!! I see no huge crowds when I get to SB and grab a parking spot in front of the Courthouse and in front of a KEYT cruiser..I go in and look around..it's dark in here..I sit and wait for 15 minutes and finally ask the clerk "where's Randy"..he said he's probably across the street at the other court house, the cheapo "Superior" one.....well, silly me.So off I go and this place is a little funkier than the stately Courthouse...big windows, smiling faces, pretty Asian girls, cops and gangstas...it's got everything! I ask a few folks if Randy and Evi are in the building and they say he's downstairs in courtroom #8....so I go down and look around and peer into the
room...don't see him..then I go and sit down, then I go take a pee, then I go take another look in courtroom #8 and there he is, sitting down in the back, partially obscured by a woman behind a camera tripod..so I start snapping pictures outside the little window on the door...a cop comes out and says ..don't take pictures..well why not..is it a crime to take a picture??..yes, I guess it is as Randy himself would tell me shortly.
.so I go sit down again on the bench and out walks a big, bearded, bulging man in a greyblack suit..a dark Santa..no, it's Randy..he ambles down the hall past me like a big black bear and I say.."I hope they find you innocent"..he says "thanks, man"...then wanders off to the Men's Warehouse..afterwards he comes back and passes and looks at me again, on his way back into the courtroom. I say.."hey Randy, where ya staying?" and "can I trouble you for a picture?"....it would have been a perfect picture, but he says "no..no pictures..I don't want any pictures"..I say ok..then I feel tears of rejection welling up inside me, but not one showed in my eyes...I thought cousin Eddie was a happy go-lucky guy...but in real life Randy looked a little peeved to be there...still, I was disappointed..movie stars, geez!! but I'm not gonna wait and follow him down the street like the other news media, like a little groupie..I got shopping to do!! and I gotsta figure a way to take pictures without anyone knowing..I wonder, has anybody invented sunglasses with a built-in mini camera? or a pencil camera? If not, I copyright the ideas right here and now and I'll get to work with the prototypes!
anyway, I gotta go and shop now....why do people need gifts??
The moral is every picture tells a story, unless you can't get one...
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