I was concerned with some of the news I was hearing about Maria Shriver, Arnold's wife. It seems if certain women are pampered all their lives, they start expecting special treament from common folk like me..first some vitals:
Name- Maria Shriver
Age- 53
Height- 5' 11½" (182 cm)
Eye Color- Bluish red
Hair ColorBrown - Dark
Date of Birth-November 6, 1955
Birthplace-Chicago, IL
Star Sign-Scorpio
Nationality-United States
Occupation-Journalist
Miss Maria is behaving like an Orange County housewife: driving a giant SUV, talking on the cell phone
while driving, shopping with her daughters and leaving the dressing rooms a mess..this behavior has been an embarrassment to me, her neighbor in Carp. Carpinterians are polite, law-abiding, salt of the earth, hard working, God fearing people..and we don't like Indians! So I decided to trespass (I didn't see the signs til I left!) on Rancho 
Monte Alegre, 3000+ acres of unspoiled Carp ag and western movie star history, where I used to live and where Arnold and Maria live now...go visit the old house....maybe run into Maria and talk her down a bit... it's a bike ride to Arnold's and Maria's so up the hill I go...there's the familiar outdated orange water tank signs..the Carp Water Dist can take those down now..maybe I'll steal them! So ....wow..this place is still so beautiful..old Carpinteria ranches..some tweaking of the landscape by the new owners but nothing too bad. I go up the old dirt road and sneak in 
through the side of the closed big black gate which opens automatically on my way out! You may want to check that, Arnold.. hey, I'll let the ranch foreman know and save you the trouble..just me being neighborly..so, where's the old house?? they cut out some portion of the avocado grove that used to be my back yard..and now there's a road here..bummer..hey..
there it is!! the house is still old and funky and hidden by trees..no longer pink like Olive Carey liked, she lived there til she died and I moved in for a few years...now it's white and green..the ranch has definitely lost some character and personality...back in the day it was fun; when I was there in the 1990s it was fun..then they sold it when the giant water tank was installed..kinda sad. Opened the doors for ranchettes and people like Arnold to move in... Ok..enough tears..where's Maria?? I'm standing there in the middle of a country road... bike between my legs, screaming at the top of my lungs: MARIA!! MARIA!!then... a big black Cadillac Escalade SUV comes roaring straight at me, swerves and misses me by an inch, then burns rubber out the gate..the driver was a really fine looking woman with fire red eyes and a cell phone attached to her ear! I scream and wave and grab my crotch, like Arnold might do, and jump up and down: MARIA!! HANG UP!!! LET'S GET A PHONE BOOTH!! she didn't stop....
hasta la vista babe!
No comments:
Post a Comment