before: ok then.. so I'm getting ready for Thanksgiving at the
exclusive Birnam Woods county club..I don't think even Tiger could get in here...maybe Sammy Sosa after tinting his skin ghost white. So I get ready and dress up a bit. As a rule, I don't hang out in country clubs... but exceptions must be made now and then. I know from past experience that these folks prefer gentlemen wear jackets..a blazer or sportcoat... but I'm not a gentle
man!! I'm a leather jacket kinda guy..or nowadays a fleece kinda guy..Mr. Non- Conformer..I like my freedom!!why go thru any extra trouble dressing it up, that's woman's work, isn't it? But these country club folks put a lot of emphasis on style over substance and you have to look a certain way or they'll think you are going to kill them..like if I show up in a leather coat, that's a no-no..so naturally, I'm wearing the leather to dinner but taking the blazer just in case! God, I'm having fun already!!!
so I drive up to the BW gate in my truck and tell the guy I'm with the so and so party and he lets me through...down the road I go past big houses and a golf course that stretches as far as the eye can see...then I get to the big club house where they serve food and adult beverages..where the
atmosphere is thick with Chanel no 5, where the men are old and staid but friendly, where little kids dressed like red Christmas angels are running around, where the women are freaky looking...jewels, twirly things on their dresses lots of hairspray and real friendly and drunk!! I could cop a feel and they wouldn't even know it! I could follow them into the ladies room and pee on their butts and they wouldn't know! Whoops..I'm s'pposed to be mindin' my manners..sorry!so I go inside thru the big ass doors..I got my leather jacket on, khakis and hiking boots and sunglasses..everyone stopped and looked at me in horror! jaws dropped! smiles turned to frowns...I felt a cold breeze float thru the room..so I went back to my truck and put on the blue blazer and re-entered the ballroom to smiles from strangers and loving embraces from friends and family! Lucky for me I watch "What Not to Wear"! and no sign of Dr. Laura..GOOD! I'd hate to be responsible for a murder of Thanksgiving Day!
after: so we visit, mingle and sit down to a feast prepared by a kitchen full of illegal aliens! It was fantastic and that's what Thanksgiving is all about....friends and family and a big buffet with turkey, shrimp and everything else to make you happy...I made the mistake of not wearing my coat when I went to the buffet..the host can be fined by the club if guests don't wear their coats..as I was
about to protest such silliness, I thought to myself "protocol is protocol"..who am I to tell them how to run their club...gentlemen wear coats!! so what if it's 80 degrees outside!!I dug in and started looking around the room and was stunned by some of the women I saw here..beautiful and fine..a far cry from the dirty pig-slopping farm girls in Carp!! I mean really! I could become a well-mannered respected citizen if I had one of these classy gals on my arm!! Maybe I got rich folks all wrong..maybe I should change my ways and maybe I'd get a chance with a real lady for once...there was one especially beautiful dark haired woman with milky white skin that caught my eye..I swear I've never seen a more beautiful woman...I was staring at her beneath my sunglasses thru the whole dinner...I didn't want to frighten her, but I did want to scare her...a little primal fear/lust action between the festive Thanksgiving tables..damn she was fine! I wanted to protect and take care of her! I wanted to caress her like a pianist caresses the ivories! She kept looking at our table with quick glances after she figured out I had the hots for her...she looked annoyed, then happy, then confused, then started sticking her tongue out at me...I couldn't figure that one out..she's a mystery and she's a lady...lady of ladies
when it was over we all left at the same time; she stayed and talked to her family, and I with mine; then she walked right in front of me and shot a cool glance in my direction...I was shaking with anticipation...I said.."did you enjoy your dinner?" she said with a smile "why yes..thank you"..then I gave her my card as she left which she promptly threw in the trash can...tears filled my eyes..but they were tears of joy.. "you're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you, pardon the way that I stare, there's nothing else to compare....
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